1
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:08,232
NARRATOR: Coming up. ..

2
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:09,798
We're finally gonna
get Joe Gatto!

3
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:12,345
NARRATOR: ...what will Joe find
behind door number one?

4
00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:14,642
Joey!

5
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,979
NARRATOR: Sal reveals what
he does when he's hungry.

6
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,244
You're all hopped up on sugar,

7
00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:19,512
you make a pass
at your best friend,

8
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:20,917
then you end up, like,
shaving each other.

9
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,080
What?

10
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,146
NARRATOR: Murr has
a touching encounter.

11
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,885
You're doing too much
of that touching [bleep]

12
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,051
NARRATOR: And later...

13
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,027
The polygraph exam
is gonna begin.

14
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:30,563
Did you have a crush
on one of your

15
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,724
high-school Spanish teachers?

16
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:33,891
NARRATOR: ...the guys
crown their homecoming

17
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:35,059
king of the losers.

18
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,796
[ Crowd chants "Loser" ]

19
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,838
In our most outrageous
punishment ever.

20
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:39,998
That's a lie.

21
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,165
[Jeering]

22
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,175
[ Laughter ]

23
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,208
Today we're interviewing
house-sitters to watch our place

24
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,407
while we go on vacation.

25
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,177
But it won't be easy,
because we've hidden

26
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,377
a lot of strange
surprises for each other.

27
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,579
No matter how odd the apartment,
we'll have to do our best

28
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,282
to explain ourselves
out of the weirdness.

29
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,085
If you can't get someone to
agree to house-sit, you lose.

30
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:01,986
Come on in.
Let me show you

31
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,154
around the place.

32
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,492
Make yourself comfortable.

33
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,534
So, kitchen.

34
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,035
Living room--you can feel free
to use the TVs.

35
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:12,833
l have cable TV
on the TVs, so...

36
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,067
MAN: Quit stalling, Murr.

37
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,666
Bedroom through here.

38
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,835
Here comes the bedroom!

39
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,879
And, uh...

40
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,881
[ Laughter ]

41
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,610
This is--this is my bedroom.

42
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,815
"It's the fairy tale kingdom."

43
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,551
This is my fairy tale kingdom.

44
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,217
"I'm the princess."

45
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,591
I'm the princess here.

46
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,960
On my bed, I've got
some stuffed animals.

47
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,123
[ Laughter ]

48
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,393
"The best way
to cuddle them is to be

49
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:43,129
dressed like a princess
when you do it."

50
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:44,500
The best way
to cuddle them is to be

51
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,505
dressed like a princess
when you do it.

52
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:47,665
[ Laughs ]

53
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,436
"So, let me show you
how that's done."

54
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,601
Go grab that tutu.

55
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,009
MAN: Yeah, slip that on.

56
00:01:58,085 --> 00:01:59,916
[ Laughter ]

57
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,454
It doesn't sound too crazy.
I have a daughter.

58
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:02,613
You have a daughter?

59
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,350
ALL: "I don't."

60
00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:05,516
I don't.

61
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,526
[ Laughter ]

62
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,124
MAN: Murr, do a little leap
in place, then head outside.

63
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,757
OK, let's go chat, OK?

64
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,529
MAN: Yeah.
[ Laughter ]

65
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:16,728
OK.

66
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,270
Take your jacket off.
Take your jacket off.

67
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,272
[ Laughter ]

68
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,772
So, you--you want
to be my house-sitter?

69
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:30,942
Yeah, I don't think
it'd be a problem.

70
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,110
MURR: It's a pleasure.
MAN: Oh, my God!

71
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:33,413
This is gonna be great.

72
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:36,081
He's just saying anything
to get out of the apartment

73
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,215
with his skin still on.

74
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:41,522
[ Laughter]
[ Ding! ]

75
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:42,994
MAN: Who's gonna house-sit
for a guy that looks homeless?

76
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,155
This is my place.

77
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:45,323
Oh, it's lovely.

78
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,230
This is what I need someone
to look after for me.

79
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,392
OK.

80
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:49,730
Here's the kitchen.

81
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,065
Let's check out the bedroom.

82
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,230
Let me show you the bedroom.

83
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,775
[Animals howling]

84
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,710
Oh, these are...

85
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:01,941
Your little pets?

86
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,983
Go ahead, Q.
Show her your friends.

87
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,643
You know, we got the fox.

88
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,584
Those are a lot of
baby ducks right there.

89
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:08,985
Uh, wow.

90
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,752
This is a baby duck
dressed like a unabomber there.

91
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:12,951
[ Laughter ]

92
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,392
"Are you OK with
petting dead things?"

93
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:18,124
Um...how do you feel
about petting dead things?

94
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,722
Is that gonna be a problem?

95
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:20,892
[ Laughing] Do I have to?

96
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,400
Do you have to?
I sure hope not.

97
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:23,561
Yeah, she does.

98
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,002
But of course, you do, yes.

99
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,905
At least once a day, I'm gonna
need you to pet my armadillo.

100
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,771
[ Laughter ]

101
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,471
So, all right, we'll just
ask a couple of questions.

102
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,138
It'll be great.
Have a seat.

103
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,377
"Don't touch the closet,
even if you hear scratching."

104
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,510
Oh, no, no, no.
I mean, I've got a huge closet.

105
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:41,315
If you hear scratching,
don't open it.

106
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,948
It's only because sometimes
I get mice in here.

107
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,958
"And I haven't
taxidermied them all yet."

108
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,085
And I haven't taxidermied
them all yet.

109
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,026
[ Laughter ]

110
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,894
"Anyway, so,
you want to house-sit?"

111
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,661
Anyway, do you think you'd
want to just house-sit for me?

112
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,827
No. No, thank you.

113
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,665
No?
[ Laughter ]

114
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,864
Yes!

115
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:02,635
MAN: Let's see if you
can convince this guy

116
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,301
to house-sit for you.

117
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,537
Just need someone
to watch the place.

118
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:07,079
I've done it a few times before.

119
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,615
"I'm very particular
about how clean I am."

120
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,674
The only thing about me
is that I'm very clean.

121
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,845
Take some spray disinfectant
from the counter there.

122
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,012
Start spraying it everywhere

123
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,749
like the germaphobe
you are, buddy.

124
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,417
The thing is that I grew up with
a bad immune system, so it's,

125
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,790
like, a couple minor

126
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,453
precautionary measures
on my part.

127
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:25,293
[ Laughing] Keep spraying,
keep spraying,

128
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,764
never stop spraying,
keep spraying.

129
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,529
[ Laughter ]

130
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,093
This one spot's killing me.

131
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:34,038
[ Laughter ]

132
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,904
Go pay the bedroom a visit.

133
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,466
Oh, I can't wait
till Sal sees this.

134
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,910
The bathroom's here,
and then the--

135
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,914
[ Laughter ]

136
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,676
- There's a baby!
- There's a baby.

137
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:45,843
That's a baby.

138
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,012
[ Lullaby plays]

139
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,522
I keep the baby in this room.

140
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:51,682
Baby is well-behaved.

141
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:52,850
It's a well-behaved baby.

142
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,018
[ Laughter ]

143
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,288
Very low-maintenance.

144
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,227
Every couple of days, I just
give him a little more milk.

145
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,394
He's good.
Let's go.

146
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,766
[ Laughter ]

147
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:04,929
Have a seat.

148
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,364
I'm telling you,
he's low-maintenance.

149
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:10,341
Sal, go over and put
the mask and gloves on.

150
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,878
Give me one second.
Just want to put this on.

151
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,379
You can never be too safe,
especially if we're

152
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:15,607
talking face to face here.

153
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,110
So, do you think that you might
be able to house-sit?

154
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,277
Would you want to house-sit?

155
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:20,478
MAN: No way.
No way.

156
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,682
Sure, I can take care of a baby.

157
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:24,917
Yes? Yes!

158
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,083
[Ding!]

159
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,251
Were you waiting long?

160
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,419
It's been a bit,
but that's OK.

161
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,587
Sorry. Appreciate it.

162
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,324
MAN: We are
about to destroy him.

163
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:32,592
He's never gonna
see this coming.

164
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,758
He can't deal with this.

165
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,926
The place has central air.

166
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,093
There's wi-fi, you know?

167
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,261
I got the wi-fi set up.

168
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,429
Cable, of course.

169
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,597
Yeah, Joe, why don't you
turn on the TV

170
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,334
and show him all
the channels you have?

171
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,500
Got the...

172
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,515
[ Laughter ]

173
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,215
That's my downstairs neighbor.

174
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,984
Um,so, uh...

175
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,548
yeah, there's wi-fi,
I mentioned.

176
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:03,323
Um...
[ Laughter]

177
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:06,263
Well, I have surveillance all
throughout the house, you know?

178
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,823
But I have the whole house
secured, so you'll

179
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,459
have eyes everywhere.

180
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,266
[ Laughter ]

181
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,465
You know, it's all set, so...
this is the bedroom.

182
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,632
Come on in.

183
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,608
We're finally gonna
get Joe Gatto!

184
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:18,610
So, this is...

185
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,305
WOMAN: Joey!

186
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,907
[ Laughter ]

187
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:26,711
Uh...

188
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:30,278
[Stammers] Uh, no, s-she...

189
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,294
[ Laughter ]

190
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,830
This is not the gentleman
that will be joining us.

191
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,990
I mean, unless he's game.

192
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,532
I don't know if
you're interested.

193
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,265
Thanks.
So, uh, yeah.

194
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,273
[ Laughter ]

195
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,372
Yeah. I can't believe
he's still in there.

196
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,539
It's been a long time.

197
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:58,982
I just zone it out, so...

198
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,282
- [ Laughs]
- Um, no, there's...

199
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:05,122
MAN: Don't move!
Just stare.

200
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:10,590
Yeah, I'm traveling for work.

201
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,962
[ Laughter ]

202
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,058
So, do you think you'd want
to be my house-sitter, or...?

203
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,232
Yeah? Awesome.
OK. Thanks, bud.

204
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,398
You have a great night.

205
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,407
[ Laughter ]

206
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,202
What the [bleep]

207
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,540
[ Laughter ]

208
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,274
[Ding!]

209
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,542
NARRATOR: Q is
the only one who couldn't

210
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,550
land a house-sitter,
so he's sitting alone

211
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,676
on the loser board.

212
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,418
You got to help us!
We're lost!

213
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,614
We'll be asking strangers
to give us directions

214
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,453
to a place that doesn't exist.

215
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,617
The other guys
will be describing

216
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,491
the details of this place
by holding up cue cards.

217
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,530
If you can't get a stranger
to give you directions

218
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,588
to this made-up place,
you lose.

219
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,396
NARRATOR: It's a Joker
vs. Joker challenge.

220
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,697
Excuse me.
I'm a little lost.

221
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:52,032
Do you think you might
be able to help me out?

222
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,470
I'm looking for--
it's a restaurant.

223
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,338
It's like Taco Bell but
a lot more "Chinesey."

224
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:57,637
Can you help me out?
I'm looking for a place.

225
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,178
I don't know the name
of it exactly.

226
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,907
It's next to a bakery that
smells like baby coyotes.

227
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,142
[ Laughter ]

228
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,013
I'm trying to find...

229
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,112
[ Laughter ]

230
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,280
Have you heard of that one?

231
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:12,416
Excuse me, miss?
I'm looking for, um...

232
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,891
I know it's around
here somewhere.

233
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:18,021
It's like Home Depot, but it's
for pasta--Pasta Home Depot?

234
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,327
Yeah, it's like that.

235
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:25,235
It's...it's near that bar
with the B.Y.O. shrimp--

236
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,000
with the bring-your-own shrimp.

237
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,734
[ Laughter ]

238
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,332
You know what I'm
talking about?

239
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,843
Yeah, I got to get there
in a half-hour because...

240
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,850
[ Laughs ]

241
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:40,647
because my--[ laughs]
my genitalia

242
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,085
is gonna turn into a pumpkin.

243
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,713
[ Laughter ]

244
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:44,882
You better get there soon.

245
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,448
Do you know where to go?

246
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,857
Oh! Right there?

247
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,519
Oh, the Home Depot--thank you--

248
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:52,326
me and my pumpkin genitalia,
we thank you.

249
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:53,491
[Ding!]

250
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,536
Sal, we're ready, buddy.

251
00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:58,696
SAL: Are you from this area?
WOMAN: Yes.

252
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:03,232
I'm looking for...
the place where...

253
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:06,039
[ Laughter ]

254
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,012
I'm looking for
the place where Ed Koch

255
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,207
got a splotch on his crotch.

256
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,544
[ Laughter ]

257
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:14,644
OK, well, I know it's near--
I know where it's near.

258
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,586
It's near Michael Dukakis'
bachelor pad--

259
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:17,816
you know what I'm talking about?

260
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,085
I got to get there
within a half-hour.

261
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,386
l, uh...l got to find Waldo.

262
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,829
[ Laughter ]
WOMAN: Oh!

263
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,093
Yeah, I don't
know where he is.

264
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,795
[ Laughter ]

265
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:30,961
If she's ever heard
of it, yeah.

266
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,844
I cannot believe
this is happening.

267
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,007
We have made this happen.

268
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,819
Not that Waldo--the one from
"Where's Waldo?"

269
00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,184
Oh, we're talking
about the same Waldo.

270
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:51,785
SAL: No idea?
WOMAN: No idea.

271
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,951
MAN: No! She doesn't know.

272
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,961
NARRATOR: Sal's lost when
it comes to getting directions,

273
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,826
but he found his way
onto the loser board.

274
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:00,325
Remember that time I picked you
up to go to New Orleans?

275
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,492
Yeah.

276
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:02,660
And you got all
freaked out on me

277
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:03,997
because I was like,
"We'll get there.

278
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,162
Don't worry about it."

279
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,671
You're the only person
I know that doesn't

280
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:09,765
prepare directions on
a cross-country road trip.

281
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,140
You go to Florida,
you make a right.

282
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,542
[ Laughter ]

283
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,111
We are at the Compare Foods
in Brooklyn,

284
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:16,375
and we are making up words.

285
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,508
The other guys will give us
a completely weird-sounding,

286
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,246
made-up word that we
have to make sense of.

287
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,083
If you can't get the customer
to admit they know

288
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,486
what you're talking about,
you lose.

289
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:30,557
Oh, where did they put it?

290
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,097
Joe, "Dwimplepeen."

291
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,325
[ Laughter ]

292
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:34,889
MAN: Dwimplepeen?
SECOND MAN: Dwimplepeen.

293
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,435
Are you making a hot dish?

294
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:38,929
Yeah, I remember that.

295
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,700
I had one of the hottest
dishes I ever had

296
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:41,899
in my first dwimplepeen.

297
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,374
[ Laughter ]

298
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:47,436
You ever been in a dwimplepeen?
It's an event where--you know,

299
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:51,473
when a young kid turns 13
years old, and they get older,

300
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,212
everybody throws
confetti at them?

301
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,378
They all spin them in a circle

302
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,321
and they sing
the dwimplepeen song.

303
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,051
- How's that go?
- You know, it's like...

304
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:00,922
[Singing] Kingle, kingle,
dwimplepeen

305
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,359
You made it to 13

306
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:03,520
Twingle, kingle, dwimplepeen

307
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:06,190
Hey! 13 now

308
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,029
So, you ever attend
a dwimplepeen?

309
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,193
Did you ever go
to one of those?

310
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,300
No. Yeah.
You've heard of it, though.

311
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,498
Yeah, yeah.
You've heard of a dwimplepeen.

312
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:14,665
Everybody.

313
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,368
[Ding!]

314
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,273
MAN: I hope you brought
your "A" game, Sal.

315
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,572
You got one?

316
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:22,240
You know you're in trouble.
Q's already giggling.

317
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,782
I got a whole bunch
of new cafafees.

318
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,681
I'm supposed to feed them--
you know cafafee?

319
00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:27,014
I don't.

320
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:29,782
It's a pet fish but, like,
they recognize the alphabet.

321
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,221
[ Laughter ]

322
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:34,021
I got ajampaloon coming up, and
I need some freeze-dried fruit.

323
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:35,993
- You know a jampaloon?
- No.

324
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,962
It's a--it's when
you go on a road trip

325
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,659
with nothing but a puppet, but
you force-feed him real food.

326
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,257
With a--what?

327
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,667
Goofdookie.
[ Laughter ]

328
00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:46,102
Get all up with the goofdookie.

329
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:49,266
Excuse me.
Do you know if there's

330
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:50,707
a beer section in here?

331
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,272
Right on that side?
OK, cool.

332
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,904
I just got to buy
some for my buddy.

333
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,108
[ Chuckles] I totally
goofdookied him the other day,

334
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:59,913
and I just feel like buy him
a six-pack and smooth it over.

335
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:03,950
Cool. Cool.

336
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,957
You know, like a--you ever
goofdookie anybody?

337
00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:07,185
I just feel bad about it.

338
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,751
It's, like, on Halloween,
you have a lot of candy.

339
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,023
You get all hopped up on sugar,

340
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,223
you make a pass
at your best friend,

341
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,822
then you end up, like,
shaving each other.

342
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,368
[ Laughter ]

343
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,801
Yeah, good times.
Yeah. It was awkward.

344
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:18,962
I didn't want to talk about it,
so I figure I'll

345
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:20,130
get him a case of beer.

346
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:21,605
I'll smooth it over, right?

347
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,335
You ever goofdookie anybody?

348
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,471
[ Laughter ]

349
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:28,878
But you've heard of goofdookie.

350
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,074
MAN: Oh, yeah!
He's heard of it.

351
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:31,241
"Now get away from me."

352
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:32,409
[ Laughter ]

353
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,577
Take it easy. Thanks.

354
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,178
[Ding!]

355
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,621
MAN: Why are you eating?

356
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,351
Everything he does gets to me.

357
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,586
Just the way he chews and then
talks through the chew.

358
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:42,787
Oh, dude, don't even
get me started.

359
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:43,988
I live with it.

360
00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:45,155
MAN: Murr.
M U RR: Yeah?

361
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:46,528
MAN: Hear that?
Listen to his gums.

362
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,691
What?

363
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,997
[ Laughter ]

364
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,037
So, it's short and sweet,
baby--"twirling."

365
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,197
Hmm?

366
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,764
- Not "onelini."
- Twolini.

367
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:58,333
Do you know if
these are any good?

368
00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,639
It's, like, pretty expensive.

369
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:03,980
Is it good for helping twolini?

370
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,280
'Cause I got a really bad case
of twolini right now.

371
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:09,646
Twolini--it's where--
it's where you go

372
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,815
to your grandfather's wake,
you drink too much absinthe,

373
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,222
and then you can't stand up
straight for a week afterward.

374
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,352
[ Laughter ]

375
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,588
Oh, he doesn't
know about twolini.

376
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:17,755
You've never heard
of that before?

377
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:18,922
- Mnh - mnh.
- Are you serious?

378
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,431
MAN: Oh, he's never
heard of twolini.

379
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,127
Are your grandparents
still alive?

380
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:23,498
Oh, that explains it, then.

381
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:26,436
[ Laughter ]

382
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,805
Q, your word is "pergurt."

383
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:30,968
- Pergurt!
- Pergurt.

384
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,272
MAN: Yeah, that's right.
Pergurt.

385
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,370
- P-E-R--
- Gurt.

386
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,539
Here you go--this guy.

387
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,314
Excuse me.

388
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:41,979
You think this would be
good to serve at a pergurt?

389
00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:46,389
Yeah? You think
it's about right?

390
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,756
You know what a pergurt is?

391
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,786
Like when you sky dive with a
pocket of noodles on the sabbath

392
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,058
and you land and you celebrate?

393
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,327
[ Laughter ]

394
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,266
He's gone! Gone!

395
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,429
I would just like to point out

396
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,870
that he did say he knew
what a pergurt is.

397
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,032
He pulled the rip cord
on that one.

398
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,200
[ Laughter ]

399
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,675
He did his own pergurt.

400
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,507
Got the pergurt strut
going on here.

401
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,575
[Ding!]

402
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,878
NARRATOR: Turns out Murr
doesn't have a way with words,

403
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:13,043
making it a 3-way
tie for last.

404
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,617
So far, we've had to do and say
whatever we're told.

405
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,713
That, my friends,
is all about to change.

406
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,189
Today we get to pick
our own poison.

407
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:20,384
That's right.
We've created two

408
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,928
completely different
and nearly impossible challenges

409
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:24,292
for each other to choose from.

410
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,629
If you don't complete the
challenge you choose, you lose.

411
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,134
NARRATOR: It's a Joker
vs. Joker challenge.

412
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,602
Here you go--two choices.

413
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:32,763
I've been waiting for this one.

414
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:33,931
Pick your poison, buddy.

415
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,139
"Pick someone's nose."

416
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,541
[ Laughter ]

417
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,169
- A nose-themed one.
- Of course, a nose theme.

418
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:42,043
That's actually a favor.

419
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,207
[ Laughter ]
MAN: For who?

420
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,652
"Talk a woman out of her bra."

421
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,380
There you go, buddy.
Get in there.

422
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,546
We gave you the sexy one.

423
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:50,714
That's impossible.

424
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:51,950
Picking someone's
nose is gross.

425
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,390
Talking a woman out of her bra
is near impossible.

426
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,825
I'm gonna go gross
over a near-impossible.

427
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,157
MAN: Oh!

428
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,896
How do you talk your finger
up inside someone's nose?

429
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,491
I don't know.
It's impossible.

430
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,694
Here he goes.

431
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,068
Wow. It's gorgeous out, huh?

432
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,436
inside right now,
he's on that bench

433
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,634
knowing the next thing
he has to do--

434
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,438
ls put a finger
in a stranger's nose.

435
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:12,603
You're having lunch
out in the park.

436
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:14,043
It's a good place to eat.

437
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,910
He's not gonna do it.
There's no way he's doing it.

438
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:17,677
Oh, you got a little something.

439
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:22,886
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh! Oh!

440
00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:25,389
- No, no, no.
- No. Yeah, it's right...

441
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,720
- Ohh!
- It's right up there.

442
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:27,987
I got you.
I'll help you out.

443
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,391
MAN: I could see.
[ Laughter]

444
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,588
Oh, that's gross!

445
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,096
It's a feeling of success.

446
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,759
[All groan]
[ Ding! ]

447
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,392
- Oh, yeah!
- Here we go, Murr.

448
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,596
Pick your poison!

449
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:41,701
"Give a huge guy a wet willie."

450
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,639
- Easy. Easy.
- Yeah, easy.

451
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,167
MAN: Aah!

452
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:49,009
"Squeeze a guy's butt
with both hands for 5 seconds."

453
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,343
[ Laughter ]

454
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,316
This doesn't say
a huge guy's butt.

455
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,477
I could go for a small guy.

456
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,645
You might get a second
date out of it.

457
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,381
We don't even know.

458
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,684
You might be able
to wet willie a guy

459
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:58,849
on just general
wet willie rules.

460
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,017
- Yeah.
- Like, "Wet willie!

461
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:01,252
Ha ha! Got ya!"

462
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,555
I've made my choice.

463
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:07,429
I am going to squeeze a man's
butt for 5 full seconds.

464
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,196
I don't even know how
to work my way into this.

465
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:11,702
There's nobody into
getting their ass grabbed

466
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,569
randomly in the park--
you're right about that, buddy.

467
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,904
Are those the--these are the
Adidas pants that they sell?

468
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,739
MAN: It's a whole sweat suit.
MURR: Do you mind if l--

469
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,574
MAN: Nah, go ahead.
MAN: Murray's gonna get killed.

470
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,114
Why is he letting him
do this to him?

471
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,275
MURR: The waistband is great.
They come around.

472
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:28,343
They fit real nice and concord
in the back, too.

473
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,581
He's doing it right now.

474
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,815
MAN: Here he goes!

475
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,323
MURR: Right here.
MAN: He's got contact.

476
00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:33,551
2. 3.

477
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:34,718
MAN: Yeah, all right.

478
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,729
You're doing too much of
that touching [bleep]

479
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:39,697
MAN: They're nice pants.
MURR: They're great pants, man.

480
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,426
That is a thumbs...

481
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,129
ALL: Down.

482
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:47,195
NARRATOR: Murr bottomed out,
making him tonight's big loser.

483
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,309
MAN: Come on, guys.
What is--

484
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:52,935
I'm not singing anything.

485
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,175
MAN: No, it's much, much worse
than singing, pal.

486
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,341
Let's go, Murray.
[ Laughter]

487
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:58,508
MAN: Here you go, bud.
You got it.

488
00:16:58,584 --> 00:16:59,676
Just keep walking straight.

489
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,617
MAN: Sit right here.
How are you feeling?

490
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,177
We're just gonna
hook you up to this machine.

491
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,588
MURR: Machine? What machine?
MAN: Stay there.

492
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,785
We are at Monsignor Farrell
High School on Staten Island,

493
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,226
where we all met,
for the ultimate punishment.

494
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,264
Yeah, we're gonna hook Murray up
to a lie detector in front of

495
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:15,823
the entire student body,
faculty, staff, priests, nuns.

496
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,767
We're all set.
And there you go.

497
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,236
MAN: You got that?
MAN: Lie detector test.

498
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:20,397
Oh, my God!

499
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,735
MAN: No, don't worry.
We wrote the questions.

500
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:22,933
[ Laughter ]

501
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,499
No mercy.
No mercy.

502
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:27,808
Welcome to your polygraph.
[ Laughter ]

503
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:36,614
[ Laughter ]

504
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:37,986
MAN: All right, so,
the polygraph exam

505
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,456
is gonna begin.

506
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,255
Is your name James Murray?

507
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,693
[ Chuckles ] Yes.

508
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,094
That's the only one
he's gonna get right.

509
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:46,358
[ Laughter ]

510
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,922
Do you wax your back?

511
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,934
[ Laughter ]

512
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,869
[ Laughs ]

513
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,873
[ Laughter ]

514
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:02,981
Yes.
[ Laughter ]

515
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,642
That's the truth.

516
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:09,552
The truth shall set you free!

517
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:12,455
Did you ever lie to a priest
during a confession?

518
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,459
[ Laughter ]

519
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,898
Yes, l--yes. Yes.

520
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,729
MAN: Whoo!

521
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,029
You're a bad person.

522
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,228
That answer is true.

523
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:28,533
Do you secretly enjoy
boy bands?

524
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,668
[ Crowd cheering ]

525
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,336
No.

526
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,778
[Jeering]

527
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:36,940
That's a lie.

528
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,779
[ Laughter ]

529
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,079
MAN: Busted!

530
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:42,279
Did you have a crush on
one of your high-school

531
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:45,017
Spanish teachers--Mrs. Lanza?

532
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,025
[Crowd ohhs]

533
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,584
Oh, my God, there she is!

534
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,456
Si.

535
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,465
[ Laughter ]

536
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,269
By the way, your ex-girlfriend
Tara is here.

537
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:00,430
Say hello.

538
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:01,666
Oh, my God.

539
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:04,904
[ Laughter ]

540
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,378
Answering truthfully, have you
ever cheated on Tara?

541
00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:10,381
Oh.
[Crowd ohhs]

542
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,153
No, I have not.

543
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:21,057
[Crowd ohhs]

544
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,219
That's a lie.

545
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:24,955
I'm so sorry.

546
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,625
[ Laughter]
MAN: No, you're not!

547
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,635
Have you ever tried your
girlfriend's underwear on?

548
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:38,604
Yes, but there's
a good explanation for it.

549
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,146
[ Laughter ]
That's the truth.

550
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:42,805
This is what we got on Murray--
this is the big one.

551
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,941
No one knows about
this story except us.

552
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,646
Have you ever been somewhat
intimate with a stuffed animal?

553
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,655
[ Crowd gasps ]

554
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,523
I'm gonna kill you guys.

555
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:57,921
No.

556
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,329
[Crowd ohhs]

557
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,491
That's a lie.

558
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,125
[ Laughter ]

559
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,692
MAN: Dirty dog.

560
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:08,228
Last question.
Does it suck to be a loser?

561
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:09,399
Yes, it does.

562
00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:11,306
[ Crowd cheers ]

563
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,469
That is how you punish someone!

564
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:13,637
Happy homecoming.

565
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:14,805
It was good work.

566
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,814
[ Crowd chants "Loser" ]